tell me about it

1) Bak kwa
2) Angpows
3) Kueh lapis
4) Mahjong
5) Holiday from work
6) New clothes
7) Steamboat
8) Mandarin oranges
9) Wine sessions
10) Seeing family

Maureen, Haoxiang kor, me (with black hair!) and Rachel

Zinfandel, white wine and Inniskillin ice wine!

I’m still on this point because it’s a major issue in my life right now – giving up the reins to God.

Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.
Proverbs 16:3

But how do you really measure success? Definitely not by the prosperity Gospel! Being a Christian doesn’t mean guaranteed health and wealth. Look at Job; truly he was a godly, God-fearing man, and his health and wealth was stripped from him. Our human definition of success doesn’t necessarily gel with God’s idea of success.

Jesus’ life wasn’t successful by human standards. He died at the young age of 33; His career only lasted three years. He was a man murdered in His youth, a savior hated by those He came to save, a king who never ascended a throne. But in God’s eyes, His life was perfection. The crucifixion was the success of all God’s successes.

It’s so easy to doubt that God has great plans for us because we’re not sure of what these plans are. What if they don’t gel with our plans for our own lives? What if He calls us to poverty, to discomfort? The hardest thing is to relinquish our own grand plans and trust that He’s got us covered.

A life dedicated to God will experience a God dedicated to life.

I’m so scared that I will snatch my life back from Him and tell Him, “No, I can take better care of myself than You can!” I’ve already done it so many times. It’s difficult to put myself into my Father’s hands. Gotta keep praying that I will have the courage and trust and faith to do so.

And even if others don’t think my life is successful, I don’t want to measure myself by human standards, but by God’s…what does it matter what people think, as long as I find favor with my Maker? He alone will judge us :)

I am committed to Him and the plans He holds for me.

Went back to PSPC today with Joel and Bing, just for old times’ sake. It was kind of nice to see old faces, but I also quickly realized I’m much happier where I am now, in ORPC. The atmosphere is so different! I don’t think I took much back from today’s sermon :( But we sang a lovely song during service – Casting Crowns’ ‘Who Am I’.

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Wandering heart is right :( So many times I’ve fallen from the path and turned my head and heart elsewhere…but He’s always been there, ever forgiving and always loving. It hit me today, that I really am nothing, a nobody – yet He persists in loving me anyway. And it’s not because of who I am or what I’ve done, but who He is and what He’s done. As Lot was willing to give his daughters rather than his guests over to an angry crowd, so God sent His own Son to hell in my stead. That sacrifice is so humbling.

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I’m calling
Lord, You catch me when I’m falling
And You’ve told me who I am
I am Yours

When you think about how much the world has been through, how old the world is and how many people there are on earth, really, one person is nothing. So transient and so temporary. And yet He listens to every single word of my prayers and cares for me as an individual. So many times I’ve had incontrovertible proof that His hand is working in my life, and my prayers answered.

I’m just really humbled today, because I realized that I’m no less important than the person next to me, or anyone else; I’m just another number and statistic in the world out of billions of people in this generation, let alone previous and future ones. Just vapor in the wind, a flower that’s here today and gone tomorrow. Yet God loves ME. He knows me inside and out, and loves me anyway. He holds my tomorrow, and my hand; and He gave His Son to die for me. I’m not just anyone anymore. I belong to Him!

How can you not fall on your knees and give thanks?

Reunion dinner 2006 photos :)

Veggies and mushrooms et al

Lovely raw meat – liver kidney chicken pork beef mmm.

I’ve officially moved out of hall, now. Went back today to take all the last bits out – and all the last bits filled up the entire car :/ Left my fridge in Max’s room for Xiaobin to use first, in case I decide to move back to hall in my final year; and left behind my carpets in case the aunties want them. Hope they don’t charge me for bulky items, boo, I meant it kindly :P

Am now sitting on the floor because Dad took my marble table out to use for reunion dinner. I’m also surrounded by all the things I haven’t unpacked yet sigh. On the upside, I now have my TV at home HOHO I can watch ANTM and CSI Miami and AI4! :D

Last night’s practice was great :) I’ve more or less committed to the Yunnan trip already; nothing seems to be preventing me from going on team so I guess….I’ll be in China in June :)

And if I manage to save enough, Melbourne in July; if not, Bangkok for the third year in a row.

I do so love traveling.

It seems to have become a Chinese New Year tradition for me – I just dyed my whole head of hair a triumphant blue-black color.

Anyhow, today they let me off work early in view of the upcoming Chinese New Year holiday *unrestrained whoop of delight – CNY YAY* so I left office and wandered around City Hall to kill time before YFC a capella practice at 7pm.

Maybe it’s also because that time of the month is coming, but I was feeling really down. That wave of sadness and loneliness just broke over my head and washed all over me, and I felt so desolate and alone. I paused between the shelves to send a broken, heartfelt plea to God to be with me, asking Him to please please take the sadness away from me and send comfort to me.

I’d barely finished choking out the prayer in my head, and I’d just opened my eyes and looked up, when my phone beeped.

I had this surge of hope that I immediately squashed, feeling furious with myself and almost hating myself; because I keep getting my own hopes up and disappointing myself. Just makes things worse.

So I pressed the button to read the message, and when I did, my eyes widened, I started to smile, and my heart upswelled and burst in thankfulness to God.

He truly knows His children, and now I understand what a Godsend is.

Here are the current top 50 books from What I Should Read Next. Bold the books you have read. Italicise the books you might read. Cross out the books you probably won’t read. Pass it on:

The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown
The Catcher in the Rye – J.D. Salinger
The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy – Douglas Adams
The Great Gatsby – F.Scott Fitzgerald
To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee

The Time Traveler’s Wife – Audrey Niffenegger
His Dark Materials – Philip Pullman (I don’t like Philip Pullman.)
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Harry Potter 6) – J.K. Rowling
Life of Pi – Yann Martel (Oh, delicious.)
Animal Farm: A Fairy Story – George Orwell

Catch-22 – Joseph Heller
The Hobbit – J. R. R. Tolkien
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon
Lord of the Flies – William Golding
Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen

1984 – George Orwell (I haven’t actually gotten down to this one yet)
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Book 3) – J.K. Rowling
One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden
The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini (tscd is right, sounds pretty)

The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold
Slaughterhouse 5 – Kurt Vonnegut (Ick much?)
Angels and Demons – Dan Brown
Fight Club – Chuck Palahniuk
Neuromancer – William Gibson

Cryptonomicon – Neal Stephenson
The Secret History – Donna Tartt
A Clockwork Orange – Anthony Burgess
Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte (I can deal without the Bronte sisters, thankyouverymuch)
Brave New World – Aldous Huxley (Started it, couldn’t finish it.)

American Gods – Neil Gaiman
Ender’s Game (The Ender Saga) – Orson Scott Card (Don’t like him)
Snow Crash – Neal Stephenson (Not really into him either)
A Prayer for Owen Meany – John Irving
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe – C.S. Lewis

Middlesex – Jeffrey Eugenides
Cloud Atlas – David Mitchell
The Lord of the Rings – J. R. R. Tolkien
Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte
Good Omens – Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman

Atonement – Ian McEwan
The Shadow Of The Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon
The Old Man and the Sea – Ernest Hemingway
The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood
The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath
Dune – Frank Herbert (No.)

Phew.

from tscd

I wake up and say a prayer for you again
I put on that song you sang to me and then
I head off to my job, guess not much has changed
Punch the clock, head for home
Check the phone, just in case
Go to bed, dream of you -
That’s what I’m doing these days.

- ‘These Days’ by Rascal Flatts (edited)

I do feel that He’s been gently prodding me in a certain direction because lately I’ve suddenly come to a realization and an understanding.  I’ve become convicted of my feelings and I’m surprised, because nothing’s really happened lately to make this happen.  I just…sort of came into it.  Like nirvana, or something.  And now that I’ve gained understanding, now that I’ve come to terms with how I feel, I guess I’ve also settled down for the long haul.  I do believe there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, in that sense.  I don’t wish to grow more maudlin and wistful though, but more calm, more trusting, more willing to rest in Him and let Him worry about shtuff.

Lord…don’t stop holding my hand.