tell me about it

Well, it’s D-day.

There’s a sick, sinking feeling in my heart and stomach that reminds me I’ve been dreading this day - as if I need to be reminded in the first place.

It’s always this way, isn’t it? You know it’s coming, you know what’s to be expected of you, but there’s only so much you can do to prepare yourself. When it comes down to the crunch, you can never know how you’re really going to react. It always seems to be in the distant future - oh, there’s plenty of time for that, let’s just enjoy the here and now - but before you know it, time’s run out.

I thought I’d made my peace long ago but it seems that it isn’t that easy to let go because right now I’m struggling to fight against a pervasive wave of loss and loneliness. Lord, how I need You to hold my hand and comfort me. I pray You take this burden of sadness from me…I can’t do this alone.

How important it is to put my trust in Jesus! I can’t take one step by myself without falling flat on my face. It’s only through His love and grace that I’m going to get through this with a smile and a contented heart. It won’t be easy to let go but I’ve really got to put it all in His hands and let Him deal with it.

There. Talking about it makes me feel slightly better. This feeling will pass, eventually, as I settle in and get used to the idea of it all - though I know it will probably get worse before it gets better. But it’s such a comfort to know that our Father in heaven is watching over us and that He’ll do a much better job of taking care of it than I ever can.