tell me about it

What a mess I’ve making out of my life lately.  Last night my prayers were just one long heartbroken plea to God to please, stop me from doing anything stupid, and if I did end up doing something stupid (as I am wont to do) then Lord, please forgive me.  I can feel myself right on the edge of potentially doing something extremely dumb and the worst part is that I know it’s dumb but I’m still throwing myself into it and caution to the winds, consequences be damned.  Which I shouldn’t be doing.  But.  sigh.

I’m of two minds now, about going to Melbourne; I can’t decide if I should still go.  Part of me wants to go because this is the last year Jas is going to be there, and because I’m simply dying to go to Australia and experience everything my friends are crazy about; because I want to visit Kat and the rest and see everything.  And of course part of me doesn’t want to go because it’s expensive, and my main reason for going down has recently evaporated into thin air, so I’m now quite unmotivated to travel there and inadvertently unearth things better left buried.  At the same time…I guess I’ll wait and see how the situation unravels itself.  If it improves, I might still go.

In the meantime though, if the Melbourne trip really doesn’t work out, I’m heading to Bangkok and Redang this July instead.  They’re my little runaway places, and I’d love nothing more than to kick back, relax and shop and tan away my troubles (and celebrate the end of internship with a bang).  Plus they’re cheaper, and if I run out of cash, I’ll just go to Redang with Kow and the rest.  I’ve asked a couple of girls and so far Bin has said yes!!  Yay!

The more I think about it the more I think I’ll take a rain check on Melbourne.  It’d seemed that this year was the perfect time to go, what with internship salary all saved up and the timing seemed just right, but everything’s collapsed under its own weight now and it appears that Melbourne isn’t the place for me to go this year after all.

We’ll see how it goes :)