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There’s a guy in today’s papers who’s been termed a ‘Love Doctor’ because he and two other friends wrote a book called ‘Love Clinic’.

His name is Chelestiar Kong, and he’s never had a girlfriend.

At first I thought, okay, poor child, his parents really did him over with that name. Plus, I honestly don’t think anyone who’s not had relationship experience is in any way qualified to write an instructional love manual.

Then I carried on reading, and I find much to my horror that HE GAVE HIMSELF THAT NAME.

I choked on my drink and spent the next few moments hacking out water from my lungs.

And why did he pick this amazing name? He tells us obligingly: “An English name is just easier for people to remember. I support Chelsea and I like the sound of Balestier so I combined the two words and got Chelestiar. I thought that name would be nice.”

*long, ominous silence*

No wonder he’s never had a girlfriend.

He also insists that although girlfriend-less he is nonetheless qualified to write a love manual, because - “I have a 1000-plus-page medical textbook written by two authors. I don’t think they have seen all the diseases they have written about.”

I’m finding it hard to breathe.

Chelestiar is the one on the left, with the stethoscope.

stip.jpg
Photo from The*Sunday*Times, May 14, 2006. Taken by Wang*Hui*Fen.

30 Responses to “I support Liverpool and I live in Bishan”

  1. on 15 May 2006 at 6:28 pm bing

    *shudders*
    these weird medical stoodents.

  2. on 15 May 2006 at 8:07 pm samuraibunny

    eee ..

  3. on 15 May 2006 at 8:11 pm samuraibunny

    is it pronounced CHEL-uhs-tear, or cher-LES-tear d’you think?

  4. on 15 May 2006 at 10:48 pm jadeite

    Cherh-les-tee-er?

    Hahahah. I don’t know.

  5. on 16 May 2006 at 12:18 am kay lii

    HAHAHAHA!!!

  6. on 16 May 2006 at 9:41 am Little Mint

    I read that too, and thought it was hiliarious.

    And they said they were ‘”qualified” to write the book (despite their experience, or lack of, in relationships) just like how doctors who write books on diseases have, perhaps, never seen/treated many of those diseases. Like OMG.

    I don’t even know why Sunday Times ran that story. -blah-

  7. on 16 May 2006 at 11:02 am jadeite

    Slow news day? :D

    Or maybe they just wanted to share teh funny with everyone :P

  8. on 16 May 2006 at 7:36 pm slarshie

    sometimes, it is truly amazing how people aren’t able to see the weirdness in the things they do. :D

  9. on 16 May 2006 at 8:41 pm DK

    The thing about Sunday Times is….. the main paper is funnier than the comic section…..

    What a way to start your Sunday. :D

  10. [...] http://jadeite.ketsugi.com/2006/05/15/livershan/  [...]

  11. on 16 May 2006 at 11:23 pm hucks

    there’s no point putting all the asteriks when you keep getting tomorrow-ed man.

  12. on 17 May 2006 at 7:09 am BC

    Hello, my name is Liverpooshan. I wanted to call myself Liverishan, but it was already taken.

    Anyone living in Chua Chu Kang who supports Everton?

  13. on 17 May 2006 at 8:57 am rambling alcoholic

    The Kong was a classmate in Pri school. Outcast and a geek thru and thru. I agree that there is no direct comparison between textbooks on disease written by doctors and a love guide.

    Its more like writing a guide to rally driving (relationships are like that with potholes and twists and turns) when you don’t even have a driving license.

    Considering I’ve had my heart broken like 4-5 times, maybe I should write a book… entitled, “Who needs Women? Turn Gay”. hur hur.

  14. on 17 May 2006 at 9:38 am jadeite

    Slarshie: that’s what makes for an interesting world :P

    DK: I’ll say! Sunday appears to be fluff day for ST. Not complaining though when they unearth funny gems like these.

    hucks: hahaha. it’s not my fault! That’s the problem with having friends who are tomorrow.sg editors :X

    BC: yes, I chope Livershan! you’re a Liverpool fan staying in Bishan too? :D What would be funnier is an Arsenal fan staying in Queenstown.. :)

    Alcoholic: Then you wouldn’t have women problems, you’d have men problems :D And I like your rally driving analogy. Makes sense!

  15. on 17 May 2006 at 5:27 pm rhys1066

    Wah-lau, all that medical tuition fees, govt tuition fee grant, subsidies, parents grants for them to write a textbook about “LURVE” and “LEELATIONSHIPS?”

    Last I heard it costs something to the tune of $30k a year in tuition for 5 years to get that MBBS?

    Sigh…perhaps we should reverse the quota for men and give some of the medical faculty places to women.

  16. on 17 May 2006 at 10:45 pm jadeite

    There’s a quota for men?!???!

    Okay that I didn’t know.

  17. on 17 May 2006 at 11:12 pm q939p

    Damn….I’m an Arsenal fan living in Holland Rd….gotta move!

  18. on 17 May 2006 at 11:40 pm jadeite

    HAHA :D That’s just as bad as the one staying in Queenstown.

  19. on 18 May 2006 at 12:40 am Vix

    Actually he looks more like a Chibystier.

    He probably thinks that f–king a girl’s belly button is the actual sex act.

    On page 269 of his manual, he gives instructions on how to bang the gong with a girl, and dictates that “one should insert one’s lovetool into girl’s belly button”

  20. on 18 May 2006 at 9:18 am jadeite

    Oh that’s just so wrong. Are you serious? He actually said that?

    :(

  21. on 18 May 2006 at 11:53 am w.

    Apparently, it’s pronounced, “cher-LES-stair”, not say.. “che-les-tier” as I would have imagined, since that’s how “balestier” is pronounced.

    Oh well. I wonder what’s worse - that they seriously think they are the authorities on the subject, or that someone would publish their book.

  22. on 18 May 2006 at 12:20 pm jadeite

    Really? Cher-les-stair?

    Stair?

    Maybe he thinks it’s pronounced Ba-les-stair.

    What’s worse is if people voluntarily buy the book.

  23. on 18 May 2006 at 12:31 pm vish

    sounds like some bastardised form of celestial. and i had the dubious honour of bumping into him yesterday here in sydney

  24. on 28 May 2006 at 3:44 am jules

    i feel ashamed to have to share the same country with this dumbass. He especially does a disservice to Chelsea fans, people living in balestier and doctors. Hell, he makes all males in general look bad. Thanks a lot, doctor dumbass.

  25. on 28 May 2006 at 8:59 am jadeite

    Hahaha isn’t that so true!

  26. on 14 Dec 2006 at 4:22 pm Manishun

    I apologize to all parties affected on behalf of the student population of the Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine, we should have reined them in when we could. How can we ever live this down?
    The shame…..The pain!!!! We had the power to stop him but not the will.

  27. on 10 Jan 2007 at 11:11 am Agagooga

    Youtube!

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=_v0PQ-PF9bk

  28. [...] I once blogged about Chelestiar Kong, who supports Chelsea and likes the sound of Balestier and thus dubbed himself with the appalling name you see above. [...]

  29. on 29 Jul 2008 at 9:30 pm ManPenis

    oh God.. i’m a Man United fan living in Tampines

  30. on 29 Jul 2008 at 9:50 pm jadeite

    Okay. You definitely win :X

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