tell me about it

I may have sworn off romance but I suppose when I’m surrounded by lovey-dovey couples my mind can’t help wandering into areas that really should be off-limits. It’s nice to think about it once in awhile, though. It’s a reminder to myself that this hiatus is merely for awhile, before I let love back into my life.

I think of cups of tea cooling on the table, because the conversation is so good there isn’t space or time to pause to drink anything.

I remember dancing under the moonlight on a rock in the middle of MacRitchie reservoir.

I imagine how it feels to look into the eyes of the man who’ll love me so much he’ll never want to let me go.

I remember sitting on the banks of the river at Punggol, knowing that the day would have to end and wistfully wishing that it never would.

I think of silence between two people that’s as comfortable as a well-worn shirt.

I recall the thrill of fingers touching for the first time, cheeks pressed against each other, an arm wrapped snugly around my shoulders.

Yes, I remember love. I recall its fulfillment, its trials and tribulations, its comforts and insecurities. Love is something I’ve always craved, always greedily reaching out for it and taking, taking, taking.

I don’t feel much regret that I’ve given parts of my heart away to different people in the past. I’ve learnt something new with every relationship that comes and goes. But I’ve grown awfully tired of trying and trying and never getting anywhere. I’ve got the feeling that my constantly chasing after love is why its forever eluding me.

And that’s why I’m taking time out. Because I’ve decided that God will pick the guy I’ll marry, not me. Because I don’t want to seek love out; I want it to come to me of its own accord. I want things to happen because they will, not because I force them to. I’ll be patient and trust that God will move my love life when I’m ready for it. For now, I’ll concentrate on a relationship that’s far more important – how can I love my future husband with a whole heart that isn’t first focused on God?

I’ll make more memories one day. Just not now. It’s difficult to be patient when some nights loneliness hits you like a softball straight in the gut. Your heart twists and your lip quivers and all you can think about is how much you want to be held by someone who loves you.

But then I also remember that God is always holding me close, and that His love is for all eternity, and I can go to sleep comforted that all things will happen in its time.

We went to watch…CABARET!

Willkommen! Bienvenue! Welcome!!

FEI XIANG! *squeal*

EMMA YONG! *whoop*

Both of whom stole the show. Which was extremely, er, hot, to say the least.

Cabaret girls. Eight of them. Their costumes included an S&M dominatrix, a sailor girl, a Texas cowgirl, a Lolita, an Asian bunnygirl, and a girl in a leopard-skin butt-less catsuit. And the boys! Two of them in leotards and tutus, one in a butt-less pair of overalls.

Was also rather delighted to see my first onstage guy-guy kiss in Singapore. :)

Fei Xiang as the Emcee was simply amazing. He’s magnetic and dynamic and brilliant on stage. Emma Yong as Sally Bowles blew me away too, with her great singing and punchy line delivery. Vaaaairy nice.

Still somehow I felt something was lacking from the musical, like a can of Coke gone flat. It just didn’t have that punch, that verve that would have made it a real success. Can’t put my finger on what it is though.

Oh well, I shan’t complain. We had fabulous stall seats, row M – they cost $130 each and they were given to us as a gift, so it was all really fantastic. I was *this* close to Fei Xiang!!

:D

I am such an aunty.

Grandpa’s got aplastic anaemia – bone marrow failure. Hospital’s called a family conference on Monday. Expecting the worst. Googled the condition and it’s not good.

Daddy, please come home quick.

Cramps.

Cramping.

Pain.

Sob.

Beautiful, simple song by Iron & Wine from ‘The L Word’ soundtrack.

She says, “Wake up, it’s no use pretending.”
I’ll keep stealing, breathing her.
Birds are leaving over autumn’s ending
One of us will die inside these arms
Eyes wide open, naked as we came
One will spread our ashes round the yard

She says, “If I leave before you, darling,
Don’t you waste me in the ground.”
I lay smiling like our sleeping children
One of us will die inside these arms
Eyes wide open, naked as we came
One will spread our ashes round the yard

Currently hooked on this Taiwanese romance serial that Xiaobin introduced to me – ‘?????‘. Man, is it addictive!! It reminds me immensely of ‘????‘ in terms of plot – bad boy falls for sweet innocent girl, but their romance is constantly disturbed by lovers from the past, determined people falling for them, a relative who is strongly against their relationship and who then arranges for matchmaking, the sweet girl and the rivals become friends, blah blah. Even the nanny from ‘????‘ is in the show. Haha.

Anyhow both ‘Meteor Garden’ and ‘Devil Beside You’ were adapted from Japanese manga, so I guess that might account for the similarity. You can’t really do much with Jap/Taiwanese romance plots, they’re all about the same anyway.

Ooh but it’s just so addictive. Can’t stop clicking on the next episode even after deciding to stop. I managed to watch six episodes today. Ahaha. That’s six hours of my life I’m never going to get back. Must. Stop. Watching. Must. Do. Work.

Gyarrrh.

It doesn’t help that the male leads are just so darn adorably cute. Teehees. I like. Mike He Jun Xiang (left) and Kingone Wang Chuan Yi (middle – I know, what an awful name, but just look at his face, drooool).  The photo here isn’t that flattering but trust me, check out the show – at the risk of babbling idiotically like a blushing fangirl, I will repeat once more, they are very cute.  :P

Rainie Yang who was also in ‘Meteor Garden’ is the heroine in this one, and I really really like her too. She’s just so darn cute. Plus she sang most of the theme songs for the show. Pretty voice.

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I’m just so tired.

I can’t keep this up and I can’t deal with this anymore.

I just want to rest.

Please?

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My handphone was stolen today.

Please email me or MSN me your mobile numbers.

People who are still thinking of what birthday present to buy for me, a donation towards my new phone would help a freaking lot.

Sigh.