tell me about it

“Sir, your food and drink cost $xx,” Kelly says.

The guy nods and takes out his wallet.

“Okay, but I want a receipt.”

“Why do you need a receipt?” his friend cocks his head in curiosity.

The guy looks at Kelly, then back at his friend. “It’s a matter of integrity,” he says. “I don’t trust these people.”

These people. These people?! Who are these people? Waiters and waitresses? How dare he.

But he’s almost right - some people can’t be trusted, and I’m not talking about the wait staff. I go to the same table awhile later to deliver the lady’s Cosmo, and inform them that they have an outstanding payment.

“Sir, I believe there is a pint of Heineken that you haven’t yet paid for. May I collect the payment for both the beer and the Cosmo? That will be $27.80.”

The man looks at me straight in the eyes. “No, there’s nothing here we haven’t paid for.”

I meet his gaze evenly, my voice polite and calm. “I’m sorry sir, but I have a receipt for the pint of Heineken that’s in front of you, and it hasn’t been paid for.”

His friend starts looking a tad uncomfortable and nudges him. “Don’t like that lah,” he says. He looks up at me sheepishly. “Yeah, there’s one pint we haven’t paid for.”

The first guy smiles and waves him away. “I was only kidding lah. Here’s my credit card, run a tab.”

I incline my head and thank him and walk away, seething inside. Who’s the one without integrity, then? I know I can’t expect a tip from him and when he finally settles his bill, he doesn’t let me down.

But something else happens that cheers up my entire night. A regular tips me $70 on a credit bill! I’m floating. It’s the most I’ve ever been tipped on a single bill.

But it doesn’t end there.

Ten minutes later his friend comes up to me, holding up two soft toys that the deaf-mutes sell along the quay. “Ben bought these when he was drunk, and now he doesn’t know what to do with them. Do you have a sister or a niece whom you could give them to?”

I take them from the friend, and tell him, “We’ll find someone to give these to, sir. No worries.” He thanks me and goes back to his seat, but then Ben comes up and taps me on the shoulder.

“Are you going to give those to someone? My friend says you’re going to give it to your niece or someone, but I don’t believe him. You’re going to throw those away aren’t you?

“Not at all,” I reply. “Some of my colleagues have children, we’ll probably give these to them.”

“Really?” Ben asks me, looking crestfallen. “I just lost a $50 bet with him then. I bet him that you were going to throw them away.”

He looks at the dumbwaiter. “Tell me the truth, you’re just going to dump these inside and grind them up, aren’t you?”

I laugh. “That’s not the garbage disposal,” I tell him. “That’s the lift to the kitchen.”

He brightens up. “Okay, then do me a favor. Throw the soft toys in and slam the door when my friend is looking.”

“Sure,” I tease him, “only if you put that $50 into my tip jar.”

“You’re on.”

I raise my eyebrows. Okay, if he’s really going to tip me $50 for putting two soft toys into the dumbwaiter, I’m glad to play along. Back at his table, Ben gives me the thumbs up and his friend looks on, laughing in disbelief.

I stow the toys in the lift and slam the door exaggeratedly, just as Ben gets back with his wallet. He lifts it in the air and opens it, draws out one $50 note.

“One…” he says, then takes out another one. “Two!”

He folds them and pops them neatly into the jar. I try desperately to hide my manic grin as I see Kelly’s mouth drop open from the corner of my eye.

“And does that money go to needy children as well?” Ben jokes, and I’m more than happy to joke right back at him.

“Oh yes,” I nod solemnly. “Very needy students who need money to eat.”

“Needy children who are going to be partying at Zouk tomorrow with my $100?” he asks.

I shake my head.

“I’ll be right here serving drinks tomorrow,” I reply. He laughs and rejoins his friends, and I wave happily to them as they leave.

$170. That’s a new record for me. I jumped from $40 straight to $170. I don’t know how I’m going to beat that, but golly gee I hope I do!