tell me about it

I carefully load my hands with the five glasses and make my way to the table outside.

“One Bacardi coke, one half pint of stout, vodka lime, pint Heineken, and a Chardonnay,” I recite as I put down the drinks one by one. I look up and the customer is watching me in fascination.

“Just how many fingers do you have?” she asks.

I laugh. “Last time I checked, I had ten, same as you.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t think I could carry five glasses all at once. That’s neat.”

“It’s practice,” I say ruefully. “I don’t like loading a tray when I can just use my hands.”

—

How to be a good customer:

1. Call your waitress/waiter by name.
It’s always nice to be addressed by name when I’m serving customers at the pub. I wear a nametag for a reason. It makes me really happy when customers take the trouble to notice my name and say, “Thank you, Beth”, and a happy waitress means even better service.

2. Be courteous to your waitress and treat her with respect.
I am not your slave. “Please” and “Thank you” go a long way. I do not respond to “Oi”, “Eh”, or similar other Neanderthal grunts. And if you try to pinch my butt, I will break your wrist.

3. Don’t make unreasonable demands.
If you want a couple of things, ask for them all at once. Don’t wait till I’ve gone and gotten your Tabasco sauce before you ask for more napkins, and then another glass of ice water, and then oh some tartare sauce would be nice, and could I get you a slice of lemon for your damn ice water, and shucks would I mind warming up your pizza in the oven because it’s gotten cold, and oops you’ve got to leave so could I run back to the kitchen and pack your stupid pizza in a box for you?

4. Don’t break the rules.
Don’t expect me to like you when you’re pouring shots from the vodka bottle that’s hidden in your handbag. Or if I’ve told you nicely that outside food isn’t allowed, but you’re chowing down on it anyway. And if you’re a Thai hooker sneakily soliciting among our customers, we will bitch openly about the unlikely size and heft of your breasts. It’s only natural.

5. When the place is closing, the place is closing.
I really hate to chivvy customers to leave (especially when they’ve just left a beautiful tip). So take the gentle hints (stacking up of chairs, wiping down tables, curtains drawn, waitress looking like she’s about to cry, etc) and take your own initiative to leave before I have to ask you nicely to go. Like my supervisor likes to say, “Guys, you don’t have to go home – but you can’t stay here.”

6. Tip your waitress.
I know, I know, I’ve made this point to death. But really. Look at what you’re signing – is service charge included? If not, and service was good, do leave a tip. Even if service charge is included, if you felt your waitress did a fabulous job of serving you, go ahead and leave a tip. It won’t hurt. Your generosity is appreciated, all the waitstaff will recognize you as a good tipper, and you get even more fantastic service. What a lovely cycle.

Post anything that you want anonymously in my comments. A secret, a confession, a fear, a love, your opinion about me – anything. Post anonymously and honestly. Then, put this in your blog to see what your friends (and perhaps others who you don’t even realize read your blog) have to say.

Here are my holiday photos taken with my crappy Nokia phone (but which does the job just passably. Sniffle for a camera that’s gone with the wind).

So we drove down to Malaysia for the weekend, my aunty’s family and mine (sans the two firstborns of each family who weren’t free).

The Straits of Johor (I think) from the bridge over the Second Link (Linkedua). We left right after my last paper which I walked out of half an hour early. Hurhur.

Okay first stop MELAKA!

Eh Melaka rawks lah they always have such cute wall art and graffiti around. This one was on some construction site barrier.

We stayed in the Hotel Equatorial. Not bad. This is the award-winning Peranakan restaurant there and this is my cousin Raphael being funny with the interior decor. Cute turquoise lion.

Restoran Famosa Chicken Rice. My favorite chicken rice place in Melaka. It’s this ritual I can’t pass up; everytime we go into Melaka I must have the chicken rice from here. It’s just so darn good. The chicken rice balls taste crappy though. Cue many jokes from my uncle about balls and, uh, dumplings.

My other cousin Reuben who is just one of many younger male cousins who have now grown taller than me. How dare they.

More funky wall art. I love Melaka.

Next up: CAMERON HIGHLANDS. We’re here almost every year for our family holiday.

An adorable little baby selling hats at the pasar malam (night market).

Parents make us go hiking there too. Urgh exercise :/ Climbed up a hill and a watchtower to get to this nice vantage point looking down on the valleys of Cameron Highlands.

Prata and tandoori chicken – another must-do thing on our list. That’s Raphael in front of me at the little kopitiam we ate at. Aiyah I keep forgetting photos of the food because I’m always too excited to eat it all up. Then empty plates don’t make very interesting photos.

Me and Daddy.

ISN’T HE SUCH A LITTLE CUTIE!!! This is Ricky. He’s a Dalmatian/Retriever cross and promptly waddled into all our hearts when he looked at us with his soulful widdle puppy eyes and don’t you just want to cuddle him up!!!!

Last stop: KUALA LUMPUR. How to go to Malaysia and not stop in KL? The food! The shopping! The food! The shopping! See?

The kids in the lift lobby of Dynasty Hotel, where we stayed in KL. IT SUCKS ASS. DO NOT STAY AT THE DYNASTY HOTEL IF SOMEONE PAYS YOU TO. Too many reasons why, but basically it’s a seriously crappy hotel. No go. Never again.

So we took the monorail from Titiwangsa down to the city center, to visit Sungei Wang (lotsa pirated DVD shops, cheap shoes and clothes) and Times Square and have a tasty dinner. KL food is good. I think all I did on this holiday was eat and shop. Seriously. I’m just really annoyed that the durian-eaters in this group were a minority. Blah.

Haha passed by ZOUK! on our way to KLCC. So cool! At first I was all “Ew, ugly building” then I went “AW MAN LOOK IT’S ZOUK!” and then I got all hyped up and started doing the mambo actions for ‘You Spin Me Right Round’, but if you tell anyone I will deny it so there.

Why can’t Singapore build pretty buildings like the Petronas Twin Towers instead of monstrosities like the fugly new Supreme Court?

One of the awesome things about Malaysia is that they have…DUNKIN’ DONUTS. Okay why doesn’t Singapore have Dunkin’ Donuts? Seriously! Their cinnamon donuts are heavenly. We cleaned out the rest stop on our way to Cameron of cinnamon donuts and demolished most of the stock at the KLCC outlet too. Hurhur.

Me in a cheongsam in a dressing room in KLCC. It was size S but still way too large for me (angmoh-sizes, what to do) so I had to pull the back tight to look halfway decent in this photo. I like this cutting for cheongsams. I want to make one. This dove color is awfully pretty.

Celcom for teh win! You know why? Because LEE HOM and STEVEN GERRARD endorse Celcom! WOOOO! Two of my favorite pretty men in one large ad. What’s not to like?

Driving back to Johor we saw…a rainbow! So pretty!! I couldn’t stop squealing over it for a good five minutes because it just kept getting bigger and brighter and stretched into a full bow right across the sky. I daringly stuck my phone out the window while we were doing 130km/h down the freeway in order to bring you these photos.

And it got better:

A DOUBLE RAINBOW! WAAAHHH!

This is only the second double rainbow I’ve ever seen and both times we were driving down the freeway in Malaysia.

Okay photos out!

YAY exams are almost over.  One last GE paper tomorrow (which I am shamefully unprepared for because I refuse to study utter tripe; I will have to go in and wing it and hope for the best) and then I’m off to Malaysia for the weekend.

Be back on Monday.  Til then, toodle-oo.

Agagooga sent this to me on MSN; apparently it was also Digged. Wonder how I missed it. This was written by someone with the nick ‘moreanonymous’. Hilarious, totally.

Though I feel it’s impossible to forge a platonic friendship with a woman, I’m willing to give it a shot. Women make up more than half of the population and they turn up everywhere. As my wife tells me, I’m not good with women. A big part of that is my inability to correctly read their actions. I can’t tell when a woman wants to be my friend or when they want to do crazy sex stuff to me.

As a single man this led me into a lot of awkward situations where I either unknowingly stomped on the feelings of a girl who liked me or I tried to plant a kiss on one who just wanted to pal around. Toward the end of my single life I decided to take charge of my emotions and set down some guidelines for my lady friends. I know it seems unfair to impose these rules on the women when I had the problem, but to be honest I’d forget any rules for myself the minute cleavage enters the room. It would be up to the woman to help avoid confusion and maintain the innocence of the relationship. Now that I’m married I get by with the mantra: “I love my wife and this lady isn’t interested.” I’m never at risk of betraying my marriage, but this statement needs to be repeated every time a hot young girl does anything remotely flirty toward me. It calms the tornado of thoughts and emotions that women stir up in me. The truth is I’m still driven by my animal instincts despite living in a civilized world and my wedding vows are just barely able to hold me back.

Although I’ve found my own salvation, there are many young men out there who are bumbling their way through our world of commingled sexes. They are at risk of embarrassing themselves and possibly offending others. The following guidelines helped me and perhaps they could help someone else. They are intended for women who have stated that they just want to be friends and should not be handed out to strangers on the street. The woman must be aware of the friendship before laying ground rules. Following these rules, I think men and women can flaunt the call of nature and hang out with each other as if they were exclusively gay. If you aren’t sure that your situation warrants these guidelines then determine if three factors apply: You’re smitten with her, she thinks you are a nice guy, but she refuses to have sex with you.

1. No hugging for greetings or salutations. Hugging is only allowed for personal tragedies or blessed events when the emotional significance of the situation blocks out the knowledge that your boobies are pressing against me. We have hands; lets shake them.

2. No sleepovers. I think of all women who sleep in bed with me as potential sex partners. I spend all my free time trying to coax women in, so if you get in there, I can’t help but think you want some. If you or I need a place to crash sometime, then we should employ a couch. The breaking of this rule is punishable by instant sex.

(more…)

A walk down memory lane. I love the random setting of my iTunes. Brings back oldies and goodies that I normally wouldn’t put in my daily playlist. Hehe BSB :D

Although loneliness has always been a friend of mine
I’m leaving my life in your hands
People say I’m crazy and that I am blind
Risking it all in a glance
And how you got me blind is still a mystery
I can’t get you out of my head
Don’t care what is written in your history
As long as you’re here with me

I don’t care who you are
Where you’re from
What you did
As long as you love me
Who you are
Where you’re from
Don’t care what you did
As long as you love me

Every little thing that you have said and done
Feels like it’s deep within me
Doesn’t really matter if you’re on the run
It seems like we’re meant to be

I’ve tried to hide it so that no one knows
But I guess it shows
When you look into my eyes
What you did and where you are comin’ from
I don’t care, as long as you love me, baby.

Who you are
Where you’re from
Don’t care what you did
As long as you love me

This would make an awesome tee shirt.

It was in my CS438A lecture notes :/

I love these little fermented milk drinks so much. (Ew, fermented milk. Now that I think about it that sounds kinda gross.) I’m the kind of person who can actually crave for these drinks.

When I was young I remember we actually went on a church field trip to the Vitagen factory to see how they were made. The girl who brought us around told us that Vitagen was healthier because they use real fruit juice. Me being a small kid, I totally bought into the healthy hype and I started picking Vitagen over Yakult.

Eventually Vitagen and I grew apart as I grew older and I hadn’t drunk it for yonks when I suddenly started having cravings again this year. However over the years I had heard from countless friends that “Yakult tastes better”. My weak rebuttals of “But…but Vitagen uses real fruit juice!” were not very convincing. Not being very discerning about my fermented milk choices I picked up a pack of Yakult last week to relive old times.

This started an avalanche. I have consumed three delicious packs of Yakult in the last two weeks. I must say it doesn’t seem to do anything for my pooping habits; unlike Derelyn who drinks two bottles and immediately has to rush off to the loo. But perhaps that’s a bit too much info for my Gentle Readers.

Last night however when I was out doing some 3am grocery shopping (God bless Prime Supermart) with Kerri and Qiyan and Marcus, I discovered that Vitagen costs the same as Yakult (S$2.70) but packs 25ml more into a larger bottle. Gasp! This brought out the kiasu aunty in me.

“Look! I can get 25ml more for the same price! AND Vitagen has real fruit juice,” I asserted proudly to Marcus (who wasn’t listening).

Today I opened the last bottle of my Yakult, which happened to be grape flavored, and in a burst of inspiration opened the grape-flavored Vitagen as well, to facilitate a showdown between the two premium fermented milk drinks on the market.

As you can tell I am trying to avoid studying. Gee, is it 5pm already? *innocent*

Visual proof that Vitagen bottles are bigger than Yakult. Vitagen – 125ml. Yakult – 100ml. I’m eager for Vitagen to prove its worth so that I can go around and inform people smugly that Vitagen “has real fruit juice, okay, and it tastes better, so there!” Also so that I can continue buying Vitagen because I get 100 more ml of drink per five-bottle packet. I am such an aunty.

So anyway.

The purple Vitagen is lighter colored than Yakult, a little paler, while Yakult has a richer color, and is slightly pinker than the more lavender-toned Vitagen. Yakult also has a stronger, sweeter smell than Vitagen.

(If only I put as much effort into my studies, ha.)

Time for the taste test!

*rolls fermented milk thoughtfully around in my mouth, swishes and spits*

Hmmm, yes. I see what they mean. Yakult is definitely sweeter than Vitagen, with a more robust and intense flavor. Vitagen on the other hand tastes rather weak and vaguely insipid when compared to Yakult; though I must also admit that if I hadn’t drunk Yakult immediately after to compare, I might not have realized the difference so clearly.

Texture-wise however, Vitagen seems to be a tad thicker and leaves more of an aftertaste than Yakult does.

Health-wise, Vitagen might still win the competition. It’s not as sweet because, well, it says in large print on the bottle, “LESS SUGAR”. Which is probably healthier. Vitagen also contains dietary fibre (prebiotics) and lactobacillus acidolphilus culture. I’m sure we all remember the ads where the Vitagen culture goes into the intestine and zaps away all the bad germs. Yakult has live L. casei Shirota strain.

According to my *ahem* exhaustive Google searches, L. casei Shirota strain “may accelerate the innate immune response of the respiratory tract and protect against various respiratory infections in neonates, infants, and children, a high risk group for viral and bacterial infections.” (Hori, T., Kiyoshima, J., and Yasui, H., 2004).

L. acidolphilus on the other hand,”protects against the entrance and proliferation of “bad” organisms that can cause disease. This is accomplished through a variety of mechanisms. For example, the breakdown of food by L. acidophilus leads to production of lactic acid, hydrogen peroxide, and other byproducts that make the environment hostile for undesired organisms. L. acidophilus also produces lactase, the enzyme that breaks down milk sugar (lactose) into simple sugars. People who are lactose intolerant do not produce this enzyme. For this reason, L. acidophilus supplements may be beneficial for these individuals.” (DeBusk, R., et al, 2002).

Also, dietary fibre or probiotics “are claimed to prevent and control diarrhoea, lessen the effects of lactose intolerance, relieve constipation, lower cholesterol, prevent and control thrush (a vaginal yeast Infection) and even prevent bowel cancer, as well as stimulate the immune system.” (Wahlqvist, 2002).

There you have it. Vitagen sounds healthier but doesn’t taste quite as good as Yakult. If you’re going for taste, buy Yakult. If you rather err on the side of price and its health benefits, Vitagen’s for you.

Me, I think I’m going to stick to Yakult. The taste really does beat Vitagen hands down.

Citations:

DeBusk, R., et al. April 2002. Retrieved from http://www.umm.edu/altmed/ConsSupplements/Lactobacillusacidophiluscs.html

Hori, T., Kiyoshima, J., and Yasui, H. 13 April 2004. Retrieved from http://www.pubmedcentral.nih.gov/articlerender.fcgi?artid=440622

Wahlqvist, M. 5 April 2002. Retrieved from http://www.healthyeatingclub.com/info/articles/func-foods/probiotics.htm

Lord, that You would always be with me.

That You would forgive me when I stray; that You never tire of doing so, because I’m such an errant child.

That You would speak to me. That I would open my ears to hear.

That You set my heart at peace.

Your will be mine.

So these are the limited photos I took with my handphone at the dinner tonight; the rest are on Joel’s digicam.

Hanna and I have got this whole fringe thing going.  That’s my dress she’s wearing btw.  Another steal from Bangkok.

And that’s me and Bing wearing black and white!  Guinness Stout girls heh.  Her dress is from Fountree – this shop which has very classic cuts and nice colors on their dresses though I have yet to purchase a piece because 1) they are expensive and 2) made of strangely thick and heavy fabric which doesn’t breathe very much.  But beautiful stuff nonetheless and I suspect I might soon own a piece from there if I don’t return to Bangkok soon.