tell me about it

Reprising this post I wrote about a year back, just because someone made a reference to it today, saying that she learned more about me in this one post than she’s known from our past four years of friendship.

Mmf.

Here goes, then.

I’m the girl you once loved.

I’m the girl who teases you for crying at the movies, while hiding my own tears from you. I’m the girl who scoffs at you for being so naive, but who privately wonders what it would be like if I’d lived a life that could have kept me as innocent as you are.

I’m the girl who doesn’t learn.

I’m the girl who takes everything personally, and shouldn’t.

I’m the girl you said was the most beautiful woman in the world. I’m the girl who never believed you, especially when you dumped me for someone else.

I’m that girl.

I’m the girl who’s been there, done that.

I’m the girl who fantasizes about being tied up, but doesn’t actually want to be, because sometimes fantasy is more fun than reality.

I’m the girl whose heart you never had, because I’m the girl you loved, and you’re the man I hated. I let you think I loved you, but really I’m the girl who despised you, and you’re the man who will never know.

I’m the girl who hurt you because someone else hurt me.

I’m the girl who’s sorry.

I’m the girl who dances in the rain.

I’m the girl who held your hair while you threw up.

I’m the girl who told you that I was happy to be by your side, but what I really wanted to do was get away from you and your petty insecurities and nasty tantrums. I’m the girl who lied to you over and over again to keep you happy. I’m the girl who left you because I finally stopped lying to myself.

I’m the girl whose hand you hold. I’m the girl whose lips you kiss.

I’m the girl who still loves teddybears and lace, sunshine flowers and pretty things. The girl who wants to dance on a beach in the moonlight with the man I love. The girl who’s been a sucker for heartbreak all her life, but who’s still determined to find love.

I’m that girl.

I’m the girl who sings in the bathroom.

I’m the girl who expected less, but got so much more.

I’m the girl who wants lilies and white ribbons at my wedding. I’m the girl who believes in true love, in the sanctity of marriage, in blessings. I’m the girl who wants to grow old with you.

If that’s who I am, then who are you?

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