tell me about it

Sure I’ve done lots of things in my life that I regret. It comes from having tried too hard in my younger days to be a wild child and a rebel, to break as many molds (and rules) as possible while scandalizing the life out of my parents and friends. Sure I’ve done things that I never want anyone to find out about. Sometimes I do tell my close friends. Confidantes. And you know, I bloody expect it to be kept confidential.

I’m changing my password for my locked entries and have deleted some entries away.  Because now a group of people I loved as brothers and best friends now will have nothing to do with me, and I’m helpless to defend myself.

I’ll admit I made mistakes, I admit I did things which are the source of the problem anyway, but I didn’t expect your judgment on me to be so harsh, so quick and so one-sided. It cuts to the core that none of you actually came to speak to me to find out what was up, and I had to be the one to message you to ask what I’ve done wrong to merit being ignored and cut out of your lives like that.

I should have told you - but you should have come to me first.

Too bad life doesn’t have a damn save and load function. There are so many things I’d do over and change, but I can’t. All I can really do is hope you listen to the explanation I gave you, trust me on it, and forgive me in your own time. I don’t know what else to do and seriously, I’m so damn tired I don’t know if I have the strength to do anything more.

I wish it could have been different. I wish I’d been a better person. All I can say that is I make mistakes, I learn from them, and I’m growing from them. Maybe in ten years time you’ll understand how sorry I am that things couldn’t have been different.