Fri 6 Apr 2007
I am in NO WAY a good Christian girl and I’ve never claimed that. For years and years I’ve struggled with my faith (or lack of), tried to walk in His paths, and failed more often than not. I’ve lapsed. I’ve backslid. I’ve committed so many sins knowing full well what I was doing, yet more concerned about the here and now than the eternal future.
I’ve never asked anyone to look up to me as a model Christian. Far from it - I know I fall so far from what I should be. And I’ll readily admit it. I have been trying to pull my socks up. I try and fail and try again. And at the end of the day, I will account to God, not to anybody here on earth. He sees my heart and my soul and He will judge me when my time comes.
Lord grant me the grace and the strength and the faith I need to understand and forgive. To forget. Because Lord, we do not know what we do. Vengeance is Yours. Judgment is Yours. Teach me to forgive. Help me not to judge or condemn anyone when I myself am so terribly flawed.
Teach me to leave well enough alone.
Your entry reminds me of a lesson God’s been teaching me since I came here to the US. No one can claim to be the model Christian except Jesus. That’s why we’re modelling Him, not anyone else. But Rom 8:1 says that there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus - God didn’t call us to Him as His children so He could criticise us for not living right. He called us to know Him for who He is - He wants us to know that we’re accepted all the time, that never can anything we do make Him love us more than He already does. He loves you, and He’s moulding you patiently, and it’s ok that you’re still not the model Christian ‘cos His love and acceptance is never based on that. =)
I keep trying to tell myself that :)