Wednesday, 5 Sep 07

Way back when

Posted in Prose at 3:55 pm by jadeite

I was five. We were playing
hide-and-seek in Ah Ma’s garden,
four boys and I the only girl.

The rules of the game: keep completely still
and hope that you don’t get found.
If you did, God help you then.
But I never won any games, the boys
wouldn’t allow that kind of blow
to their childish manful pride.

I hid behind a cistern, a flowerpot bigger than myself,
a flowerpot I could fit myself into if I tried.
Hid behind it in hushed silence, bated breath.
Minutes passed. I was so sure I was so smart.
They couldn’t find me no matter how hard they tried.

I didn’t know the boys were tricking me; I,
the only girl. They wanted
to play “boy’s games” by themselves
and so, giggling, they ran off to the rooms
took out the toy guns and battled amongst themselves.
Wars raged on, cities fell,
hostages taken and shot - bangbangbang!
They forgot about the girl-cousin
until the aunties called for dinner,
banging on a pan to summon the children to eat.

The boys stood in a line, foolish, scratching their heads
and their mosquito bites, knowing only to
bite their lips in bafflement.
“Where is she? Where?”

Empty shrugs.

Crying, snuffling on dirty sleeves,
the boys were spanked and sent to look
for little lost me. Adults panicked -
the house was so close to the street.
Men prowled. Ma sobbed, fearing the worst,
as Pa searched the road and
cursed his sisters’ useless boys.

And I, precious girl-child, eldest granddaughter -
only granddaughter -
had fallen asleep behind the cistern,
sucking my thumb and curled up in a ball.
Smarter than all the boys, I dreamt of someday winning
just once, to best them at their game.

Someone said my name in the garden. A half-choked sob

while I dozed in the shadow of a clay pot.
Arms gathered me up and close,
here she is! here!
rubbing my eyes, bleary, unconcerned,
as Ma came running, scolding,
tears tracking the trajectory of her worry.

The boys were spanked once more,
sent to bed without dinner, while I -

precious girl-child, only daughter -

was fed porridge with Bovril,
sweetmeats, dried plums
and was rocked to sleep,
nestled in Pa’s close embrace

The boys, for once, admitted defeat
they had lost to a girl.

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