tell me about it

I’ve reached a faint lull in my university life - most recent deadlines are over and there’s now a vague reprieve till the next deadlines loom over my head. Still, walking to school this morning, I suddenly felt a bone-deep tiredness and lethargy. I’m rather tired of attending classes; I’ve been going to school now for almost 17 years and I’m getting a bit weary of it. My attention span in class has dwindled lower than an ADHD kid who’s just had a pack of double-stuffed Oreos (although my journal has benefited considerably, what with all my pretty scribblings and doodlings in it).

Can’t shake off this restless, unsettled feeling when I’m in school. Just tired, and nothing seems to be sinking into my head anymore. Think I’ve reached saturation point. These days I’m just living for my weekends and mooching through class just watching the minutes pass. I don’t feel challenged and I don’t feel motivated; I feel like Matilda :( only my excess energy can’t be channeled into eye-power, more’s the pity.

I’ve been wandering around alone these past few days trying to get a bit of perspective back but even that isn’t really helping. Library, Bugis Village, even aimlessly wandering around Thomson. Nothing’s really doing it for me, though I do love those precious minutes spent alone and with my puppy. Poor puppy, having to put up with my mopey-ness and my grumpiness, when he’s got so much to deal with himself. But my morale’s dipping really low and I need to get myself back on track and back in the game.

Maybe it’s just PMS. I don’t know. It’s frustrating and sometimes I just want to kick something. Was talking to Hannah today and I figure I just need a good break. The problem with NIE is that we don’t get a fixed reading week; each bloody subject takes its break in different weeks so we never get a clear empty week of holiday. How upsetting is that? I feel muzzy and woozy and I can’t think straight. I want to get away so badly. So badly.

My heart is longing terribly for empty white beaches, for Bangkok’s dusty smoky streets, for the feeling of cold clear seawater closing over my head. I want a frosty cold beer, a bright pink martini, a massage by a little lady who doesn’t speak English. Pad thai and meat skewers from Khao San, strawberry ice-blended with jelly sperm on the beach at Redang. Sand between my toes, fish nibbling bread from my fingers, sunblock rubbed on my back. Amusingly clueless white tourists. I want. I want.

I need to get out of Singapore even if it’s just for a couple of hours, just a day, just get me away from here, away from the madding crowd.

Even Sentosa would do it.

:(

Wouldn’t it be absolutely lovely to go away just for awhile? Rest, recharge, drink in the setting sun.

Take me away. Please.