tell me about it

On other news, Liverpool thrashed Luton Town 5-0 (hat-trick from Stevie G, one each from Babel and Hyppia), as they should have from the beginning (sell Voroninny!) with Carra wearing the captain’s armband on account of it being his 500th appearance. Curiosity strikes. How do the players themselves know how many appearances they have racked up? Does a dwarf with a clipboard rush into the dressing room every game and bark out their numbers?

“Gerrard, 302. Looking good. Carra, 280. Not gonna catch up with Stevie if you don’t break his metatarsal and lay him off for a month or so. Here, borrow Rooney’s boots, that’ll do the trick. Works for Ronaldo.”

Or maybe they do the whole five stroke counting thing on the inside of their locker doors. Possibly inspired by Robinson Crusoe. They cover the inside of the locker door, outside of the locker door, they get a new locker and a pay raise.

“500 appearances! Yeah baby! Gimme that captain’s armband, bitch, I get to celebrate in style.”
“Yeah well. Race you to a hat trick. Winner gets to be captain forever.”

*after the game*

“Hand it over…bitch.”
“Aw, damn, Stevie.”

Don’t sack Benitez!