Friday, 1 Feb 08

Ikea table hack!

Posted in Links at 1:50 pm by jadeite

Because recently visitors to my house have commented delightedly on our quirky coffee table and because I just had to get this onto the Ikea Hacker site, I decided to take some photos and post a how-to up here.

We’ve had this table for absolutely yonks - whoever said Ikea furniture doesn’t last obviously hasn’t bought any. My family’s a great connoisseur of Ikea furniture. My bedroom alone has at least eight Ikea pieces, not including the lamps and carpets and small knick-knacks that you just can’t avoid furtively sneaking into your shopping cart when trolling the Ikea aisles. Photo frames? Check. Toiletry rack? Check. Woolly snake? Why not!

In fact I think we’ve had this Ikea table close to 20 years now. We threw out our old Ivar shelving not because it was falling apart but just because we wanted something new. Even after years and years of service, the shelving wasn’t quite cleaving to our hopes that it would sort of spontaneously destruct, giving us a perfectly valid excuse to purchase new ones, so we just went ahead and threw it out anyway. Ikea furniture for teh win!

So what happened to this coffee table was that when my sister started toddling around a little less than 15 years ago, she managed to get her hands on my mother’s meat tenderizer. A meat tenderizer, you might know, is shaped like a steel mallet with rows of unforgiving blunt spikes on either end. You normally use this to pound the living hell out of slabs of meat to, well, tenderize them. Now, if you will, imagine this instrument in the hands of a two-year-old, intent on replicating its tenderizing abilities on hapless furniture.

We ended up with a table covered in unsightly pockmarks and a spanked two-year-old.

In order to salvage the sorry furniture and add a nice, personalized touch to the coffee table, Dad decided to embark on one of his ambitious arty projects and cover the table with broken tile. I’m not sure where he got the bits of tile from, but I daresay you could probably get some from your local hardware store, or an art and craft shop, or maybe beg a few off a decorator.

What you need:
Hammer
Old towel
Differently colored ceramic tiles (pick your color scheme)
Tile adhesive
Grout
Sponge
Old Ikea wooden table

What to do:
First, you need to break up your tile. Wrap your tiles inside the old towel, colored side down, and go Whack-A-Mole on them with your hammer. How much you bash away really depends on how small you want your tile pieces to be. If you want larger pieces, try not to be too enthusiastic with your smashing. You might want to experiment with your largest and most dispensable piece of tile first to figure out how best to break up the tile. Also, you really don’t want to do this on a parquet or tiled floor. Raw cement floors are best to work on.

When you’ve got as much tile as you like, start arranging them on your table top in the order that you like. You’ll want to start with tile around the edges first, lining up the corner tiles. Try not to leave too much space between tiles, but of course it’s really up to your own preference. When you’re happy with how the tiles look on your table, you can fix them down with tile adhesive. Follow the instructions on the package!

Now the grouting! Grout is easily obtainable from hardware or DIY stores. Epoxy grout is more expensive but highly waterproof. I think Dad used cement grout for this project. You’d probably want to ask the salesperson for recommendations. Mix up your grout according to instructions and slop it on with a grout trowel, making sure you pack it in the grooves carefully. When the grout is drying you can wipe off the excess on the tiles with a damp sponge. Again, follow the instructions on your grout package, as it differs from brand to brand. Caulk if required.

Hey presto! Pretty table! That no one else will ever own!

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