tell me about it

Three deaths in one week. It’s enough to destroy anyone’s hope in living. Sorrow is completely exhausting and draining.

This whole week I’ve been asking God why love has to hurt so much. Why love inevitably leads to loss, to hurt, to pain. It figures that the best thing in the world has to have the worst catch in the world as well. I couldn’t understand why we had to be inflicted with love. Couldn’t God have made it so that we wouldn’t grieve at deaths? Couldn’t He have arranged things so that we wouldn’t feel this much gut-wrenching sadness and utter sense of loss and misery? I kept asking. Kept praying. Couldn’t stop the tears, couldn’t stop the sadness, not for myself and definitely not for any of the family, who were experiencing their own personal hell.

But today, driving back from the crematorium, I felt that God had just sent a thought into my mind - if these intense feelings of love and consequent heart-ripping loss and sorrow are just a fraction of what God feels when we stray from Him, how much more deeply He must love us and grieve when He loses us to sin. How much wrenching sorrow we cause Him over and over again.

That humbled me.