An interesting, ongoing discussion on the bride boards – about hen and stag nights, also known as the bachelorette/bachelor parties that are usually held for the bride and groom before the wedding.

User amandopolis had this to say:

I was interested in having a conversation about strippers and bachelor parties outside of the context of someone who is upset about it looking for advice.

My fiance isn’t having a traditional bachelor party, but I do still get kind of fired up about the issue on my friends’ behalf. Several girls I know are horrified by their fiance’s bachelor party plans.

I am definitely one of those that is NOT ok with strip clubs for bachelor parties. I really don’t have a problem with strippers in general, but I would not be marrying my fiance if he frequented them during the time we were dating. This does not, however, stem from any kind of trust issues. Here is my reasoning, in a few points:

1. I would not be ok with it if one of my friends or one of his colleagues waved their breasts in his face. I would certainly not be ok with it if he paid a prostitute to wave her breasts in his face, whether intercourse followed or not.

2. I hate the idea of “the last hurrah.” If he wanted a last hurrah to singlehood he should have taken it x number of years ago before we started dating. He hasn’t been a “free man” since the day he agreed to date me exclusively. I also feel like the “last hurrah” is pretty humiliating to me, the fiancee, because it’s like he’s saying “my fiancee is this one woman, which is clearly not sufficient, i need to say goodbye to the boundless goodies out there.” I’m sorry- when he proposed, he SHOULD mean, “you are the best woman out there and I could never desire another.” The strip club bachelor party nullifies that whole idea.

3. It is humiliating and degrading to the woman he’s marrying. Why go to a strip club to look at the body of a complete stranger when (after marriage) you have a perfectly good set of boobies right here at home, that you get to touch!? I don’t expect him to never look at another woman and find her attractive. I do expect him to be discreet about it and not rub it in my face.

I realize I’ve expressed some strong opinions here, and that’s because I’m interested in hearing the strong opinions of others on the boards. Let’s hear it! What’s your take?

I thought this was well-put. I’m crazily thankful for the fact that this isn’t a tradition that has (yet) made its way to our shores, and hopefully it never will – although sad to say more and more women are holding their hen nights at clubs that offer male strippers. Even though the men don’t do the full monty (it’s illegal in Singapore) I still hate the idea. Why on earth would I want to look at another man’s body when I’ve made the wonderful decision to marry the only man I love and desire?

And vice versa. I have an even huger issue with men getting female strippers for their friends before they get married. Sorry (why am I even apologizing?) but to me that’s just blatant infidelity. And if the man can’t be trusted even before he says those vows, who’s to know what he’ll get up to after marriage?

Rubbish to last hurrahs. There’s no such thing. Like amandopolis says, if you’re in an exclusive relationship as boyfriend/girlfriend, and then fiance/fiancee, I jolly well think that exclusivity holds true every single damn minute of the day (and night!). The only difference between “before marriage” and “after marriage” is that before marriage, if your partner commits some indiscretion, it’s much easier and less heartbreaking to kick him or her to the curb.

I’m so thankful for a man who values and treasures fidelity. There’s nothing wrong with having a fun hen or stag night out with your friends doing something fun – but it really shouldn’t involve moral boundaries that both bride and groom are uncomfortable with crossing, or are uncomfortable with their partner crossing. That being said, if you both are OK with it, then really, that’s your call.

[take me there]