Ramble ramble
Monday, August 13th, 2007
I spend far too much time traveling these days, wrapped up in a little bubble of me-time in the two-hour journeys to and from NIE. Sometimes I have a book with me, sometimes I only have my thoughts (but I always, always have my iPod; thank God for Steve Jobs and portable music). Today I finished rereading ‘Boy Meets Girl’ by Joshua Harrison on my journey toward school (there’s just something indefinably wrong about traveling back and forth for four hours and spending only two hours at your destination).
I was just thinking how unexpected life can get sometimes - how brilliant an architect of life God is. I don’t know why it’s so difficult to place trust and faith in Him when every time I manage it, things miraculously fall into place; then two seconds later I decide, okay, I can take it from here now, and then I go and screw things up for myself.
Must…learn…patience :) and forbearance, and faith.
I’d actually thought I’d hate traveling but you know, it’s kind of nice to have that time to myself away from my computer and where I can’t really do anything but sit and write and read and think. I’ve penciled countless notes to myself in my journal on these trips, unraveling my thoughts, putting my days in perspective, planning my week, to-do lists and prayer points. Scribbling down lists of things that make me happy all over. I’ve finished about four books in a week, having rediscovered Orson Scott Card and his gorgeous ‘Women of Genesis’ series. So I suppose the long bus rides aren’t that bad after all.
And I think of unrestrained smiles, of lollipops; breathing in the quick and heady scent of Hugo Boss. I think of sand in my shoes, endless blue water, sunshine like a hot dry palm on my cheek. I think of sharing prayers, hopes and dreams; I think of Adidas and Stevie (whether Wonder or Gerrard) and celebrating every red goal. Chicken drumsticks and double cheeseburgers, wanting to be a zoo-keeper, drinking bottle after bottle of water, sweet popcorn (not salty). Nasi lemak. Liverpool jerseys. Singing my favorite hymn. Random things that make me happy.
There. That was a moment, the kind that makes me stop and stare and my mouth go round in a little ‘O’ because just for that split second, everything falls into perfect place. My lips curve up in an uncontrollable smile, and a fanciful part of me can almost hear a triumphant soundtrack start to play the indescribable happiness and comfort in my heart. You know the feeling, don’t you? It’s always so humbling to have my prayers answered, or to find out that I’m part of someone else’s answered prayer. Of all the billions of people on this earth, God knows me personally - every hair on my head, every thought in my heart (good or bad :/), every word before I say it. Me. He knows who I am, and He still loves me.
And everything becomes right with the world.
I spend far too much time traveling these days, wrapped up in a little bubble of me-time in the two-hour journeys to and from NIE. Sometimes I have a book with me, sometimes I only have my thoughts (but I always, always have my iPod; thank God for Steve Jobs and portable music). Today I finished rereading ‘Boy Meets Girl’ by Joshua Harrison on my journey toward school (there’s just something indefinably wrong about traveling back and forth for four hours and spending only two hours at your destination).
I was just thinking how unexpected life can get sometimes - how brilliant an architect of life God is. I don’t know why it’s so difficult to place trust and faith in Him when every time I manage it, things miraculously fall into place; then two seconds later I decide, okay, I can take it from here now, and then I go and screw things up for myself.
Must…learn…patience :) and forbearance, and faith.
I’d actually thought I’d hate traveling but you know, it’s kind of nice to have that time to myself away from my computer and where I can’t really do anything but sit and write and read and think. I’ve penciled countless notes to myself in my journal on these trips, unraveling my thoughts, putting my days in perspective, planning my week, to-do lists and prayer points. Scribbling down lists of things that make me happy all over. I’ve finished about four books in a week, having rediscovered Orson Scott Card and his gorgeous ‘Women of Genesis’ series. So I suppose the long bus rides aren’t that bad after all.
And I think of unrestrained smiles, of lollipops; breathing in the quick and heady scent of Hugo Boss. I think of sand in my shoes, endless blue water, sunshine like a hot dry palm on my cheek. I think of sharing prayers, hopes and dreams; I think of Adidas and Stevie (whether Wonder or Gerrard) and celebrating every red goal. Chicken drumsticks and double cheeseburgers, wanting to be a zoo-keeper, drinking bottle after bottle of water, sweet popcorn (not salty). Nasi lemak. Liverpool jerseys. Singing my favorite hymn. Random things that make me happy.
There. That was a moment, the kind that makes me stop and stare and my mouth go round in a little ‘O’ because just for that split second, everything falls into perfect place. My lips curve up in an uncontrollable smile, and a fanciful part of me can almost hear a triumphant soundtrack start to play the indescribable happiness and comfort in my heart. You know the feeling, don’t you? It’s always so humbling to have my prayers answered, or to find out that I’m part of someone else’s answered prayer. Of all the billions of people on this earth, God knows me personally - every hair on my head, every thought in my heart (good or bad :/), every word before I say it. Me. He knows who I am, and He still loves me.
And everything becomes right with the world.
